A “VET” in practice

 

or “Why I didn’t win the Luffield Cars MGCC Speed Championship (again!)”

 

Astute readers of this drivel will remember that we left our hero at the side of the road – OK, in a pub – when the fuel pump on the white Turbo – E984LUC – failed on the way home from Castle Combe. All of 14 miles! Well, for 2001 a new Montego Turbo – E490VET – came into the Tyler household running 50% more boost and on 032R tyres in the RGM class. Gorgeous (to me anyway!) electric blue colour scheme, it was nicknamed anything between “tarts handbag blue” and “Essex-boy purple”. Mouth-watering prospect!

 

It didn’t work like that though. Throughout the first half of the year the car struggled for pace - in fact it struggled to match 2000’s times.

 

STARTER - SEAFOOD PLATTER

2001’s debut was Oddicombe. We didn’t stay the night there – part of the glorious English Riviera (sic) – but hurtled down on the day. First hint something wrong with the car – filled up with fuel before we left, put some in at Exeter halfway down, and filled up again coming back on the A303, still 25 miles from home. Average under 17 mpg. ****!

 

The event wasn’t too bad – fastest MG. OK it was only during practice and I cocked up the timed run to be behind David in his green Turbo, but acceptable. And we were both the class of the field. Cool.

 

Actually it wasn’t acceptable to be behind David – it hurt like hell and the second place trophy sitting on the mantelpiece just says “failure”. Still I was luckier than poor Mike Cole who visited one of the heftier parts of the Oddicombe scenery in his MGBGT. It was a great relief to see him out to play again later in the year.

 

 

MAIN COURSE - PORK, LAMB OR BEEF

Of course the big story of 2001 was Foot & Mouth. Bromham was the second village to be hit, so Sarah and I quickly realised what a BIG threat the disease would be to motor sport. Early-season events fell like flies only to be re-located to the last few competitive weeks. The re-scheduled Finlake was lost completely – but hey, we should expect to lose at least one event every year so it’s not the end of the world. All-in-all I can’t say I was terribly inconvenienced by F&M except for the fact that with no-one competing there was no-one wanting to buy racesuits!

 

So not out again until Goodwood, a real favourite of mine and I had high hopes. Arrived in a cloud of steam – hose perished! 20 minutes work by the Bodgit Brothers – well, me, a screwdriver and a hacksaw(!) – saw the car running again. Mis-fire. Hmm, get to work on the fuel pressure regulator. Technical things these Turbos. Yes, that’s cured it but we’re still not particularly quick. Ended up about four tenths quicker than last year with David another four tenths to the good. Pretty close between us, but I’m a sore loser.

 

What was interesting was Mike Heath who drove David’s Montego and had a taste of what a quick car is like. It’s no big deal to those of us who’ve driven them for some time, but Mike’s wide-eyed enthusiasm told me that, hey, we may be disappointed in our times but they are still seriously quick speeds – especially in a family saloon.

 

Disappointed I may have been, but I DID drive home unlike Mike, Chris Cooper (MGC engine now a banana split) and Matt Dryell (such bad MG Metro Turbo problems that he bought another car!).

 

Due to holidays, budget etc. our next event was not until Shelsley Walsh in August. This must rank as one of the best venues for drivers. Timings available on computer screens at bottom and top, split times, speed traps, tarmac paddock, garages (of a sort, not big enough for a Montego) and AN OPEN BEER TENT! Seriously off the pace, car just didn’t go. Then the rain came. I knew I shouldn’t have laughed at Bruce failing to leave the line in his MGC – as soon as I tried it I saw why. Slippery wasn’t the word!  But better times were just around the corner…

 

After MOT, next event the re-scheduled Wessex Sprint at Colerne, 15 miles from home. Actually got out of bed later than on a workday - we like that! For the first time all year, I felt like a racing driver. The car slid, danced, squealed and absolutely FLEW down the main straight – in excess of 115mph is quick in anybody’s book – and all thanks to getting the mixtures right for MOT.

 

I beat David for once – trouble was he was driving an efi estate so I should have done anyway. Still, nice to be back in the quick guys again.

 

Dunkeswell – 1250 kilos around a kart track is seriously hard work. Understeer? You sports car drivers don’t know anything about it, mate – FWD saloons don’t have power steering for nothing. Right back on the pace and I won the sweepstake for the best MG improvement over last year. Beaten by David again (fuel problem – another lesson learned), but it’s the only time I’ve left a race with more money than when I started!

 

DESSERT – TART

As in “Tart, I drove like a”

 

Which brings us to Castle Combe, where I raced for five years and where I worked at the time.

 

 [Frantic fumbling through the pages of “The Racing Driver’s Book of Excuses”]

 

Look, it’s my third car in three years and it takes time to get used to it, all right?

Yes, I know that doesn’t wash.

 

Ah, what about these:

 

[Spin in the rain at Quarry]

It was wet and you can’t get any heat into the rear tyres of an FWD car

 

[Spin in the dry at Bobbies]

Before my second timed run, I was worried about the wear on the left front. As our series scrutineer was there, I didn’t want to be excluded for illegal tyres so I swapped front to back. And it let go. 

 

Still don’t accept my excuses?

 

OK – I DROVE LIKE A TART!!!!!!!!!

 

Times were quite good, car quick down the straights and round the corners alike.

 

But I still spun off on a quick lap because I drove like a tart.

 

All ruddy season.

 

But what the hell? It’s meant to be fun.

 

So to 2002. First event – Loton Park at Easter. Had planned to take the newly rebuilt Midget but it wasn’t ready so VET was wheeled out at the last minute. Half a second UP on David at the split. Three-and-a-half seconds DOWN at the finish. Shurely shome mishtake!

 

Home. Time to junk the boost valve and turn the actuator arm instead. Junk some piece of kit in the fuel system that shouldn’t be there. Check the cam timing – God, the last cowboy owner had it a tooth out. Back to Colerne. Wow! There we go! Fantastic scrap between David, his son Alex and me, only resolved on the last run, order Smith D., Tyler, Smith A. A really good, competitive day out at last. Should have worked on it sooner.

 

Now it’s running right it’s time for the new project – but not before a couple of final outings. August, Colerne again, Midget broken so Monty T pressed into service. You know that fast corner at the end of the main runway? Well I tried to hit 120 before turning in. Managed it but – wow!!! – what a spin!!!! The smoke was still hanging in the air when I came back down the return road to the paddock. Mega!

 

And finally, Castle Combe. My “home” circuit. Allegedly I know it well – and what a swansong. Avon Rise from a standing start – 105mph. On the flying lap – 122mph. What a car! And what a prat behind the wheel – you can’t go over Avon Rise without lifting in a saloon car. Had a damned good try though. Smoke from front brakes, pedal goes to floor. Scary! And they’re still smoking when I come out of the Tavern ten minutes later. The inside of my overalls isn’t too healthy either.

 

And now it’s 2003. E490VET has been doing sterling service towing the Midget – it outruns most cars away from the traffic lights, even with a trailer on the back – but not much else. It’s been enjoying its retirement. In fact so much so that it’s time to sell and move on from FWD saloons into historic racing again. Sign of age I suppose (mine not the car’s). The Midget is nimble, agile, reasonably quick and a real racing car. But still I yearn for something: that raw brutal power, that fantastic kick-in-the-back as 175 Tart’s Handbag Blue horses throw 1200kg of saloon car at the nearest fence. Awesome – I thoroughly recommend it.

 

And I really miss it.